On Growing A Tiny Human

I've been trying to write this post for months now. I've started multiple times, and can never seem to get past the first paragraph. I want to talk about my experience so far with pregnancy, but also I don't want to sound ungrateful. I've had a pretty rough time growing this little baby boy. In fact it has been the hardest 6 months of my life. I didn't expect that. I wasn't prepared for it...

I guess I should just start from the beginning. The beginning will begin at the point where John and I decided that we were ready to defy mathematics and make 1+1=3. It was after we graduated in 2011. I won't bore you with the details but lets just say that even though we decided that we were ready to make the leap into parenthood, my body wasn't quite so ready.

In the grand scheme of things, we got really lucky. After a year and a half, I was just about ready to give in and seek fertility treatment. Things weren't improving, and I figured the waiting game wasn't going to work. In that year and a half, I had only ovulated twice. But then in June we were blessed with a miracle, and I got that pee stick to read positive! We were ecstatic! My body wasn't a failure after all. :)

I was introduced to morning sickness at about 5 weeks pregnant. It came with a vengeance, and decided to stay. You have to understand, I'm the type of person that will avoid throwing up AT ALL COSTS. It is my least favorite thing in the entire world. So you can imagine the depths of despair I was in when I would throw up anywhere from 1-7 times a day. Force feeding myself, only to lose it 15 minutes later was exhausting. I lost 15 pounds (which is basically 15% of my body weight), and ended up having to go on anti-nausea medication to keep things under control. Even with the medicine, I was throwing up 1-3 times a day, and feeling like I was on the edge of tossing my cookies 24/7.

This continued until about 17 weeks. It got a little better around then, where I would go 4 or 5 days in-between throw ups, but the nausea was still all the time, and I had no appetite whatsoever. This was also the same time that we started feeling our sweet baby boy kick. Since I was basically a skeleton, it was only about a week after I felt him on the inside that we could also feel him on the outside. To actually feel him moving around in there brought me so much comfort, and a renewed sense of determination to keep going.

Long story short, here I am a week away from the 3rd trimester, and I'm just beginning to feel like a real human again. The last three or four days, I've actually been eating normal food. Which includes some meat! I've gained 10 pounds back, so I'm almost back to what I weighed pre-pregnancy. The most I've gone without throwing up is 2 weeks. I can't seem to surpass that number for some reason. But I'm weaning myself off of the anti-nausea meds. Hopefully I'll be off of it in the next couple weeks. I hate having to depend on a prescription to do something as essential as eating...

At 26 weeks, my newest pregnancy symptoms include: messed up thyroid, random episodes of high blood pressure, braxton hicks, round ligament pain, achy hips/back, migraines, and others that don't need to be written about in public. ;)

Is it bad that I really don't like being pregnant? Don't get me wrong, I am so so so so so grateful that I've been given the chance to help create this baby boy. My love for him grows every day, and I know that the second I get to hold him in my arms all of this pain, worry, and sacrifice will seem like nothing. I know it will be worth it. And I know that some women have it so much worse than I have. I just wasn't prepared for how hard it would be. I guess some women's bodies were made to make babies. Others not so much. I wasn't blessed with that coveted pregnancy glow. I'm just rocking the pregnant zombie look.

I'm so excited/terrified to be a mother. I can't wait to see John as a father. It's just such a huge blessing, and I feel ungrateful complaining about pregnancy. But I'm writing this post because the pain isn't something I want to completely forget. It has made me a stronger person, it's brought me closer to my Savior, and I believe it will make motherhood that much sweeter. Those nights when I haven't slept a wink, I will be able to go downstairs and pig out on every delicious thing in the fridge, and I will think, "Hey, this isn't so bad... At least I can eat!"

The moral of the story: Growing a tiny human has been the hardest thing I've ever done. But also it's probably the most worthwhile thing I've ever done.

And I can't end this post without a shout out to my amazing husband. If you were around me at all during those hard months, you know I wasn't a sweet peach to be near. But John helped me through every step of the way. He cooked, he cleaned, he grocery shopped, and he was my shoulder to cry on. He took care of me through it all without complaint, and I honestly don't know if I could have done it without him. I might be the luckiest wife in the whole wide world. He is going to be one great dad!

Most recent photos, taken by Mr. & Mrs. Photography at 24 weeks:


Sarah Faria said...

I don't think it's complaining to talk about your experiences. And, I think you totally have the pregnancy glow!! You look amazing! Do you love your baby bump?? I love mine! I haven't been nearly as sick as you which I count as a huge blessing, because I could not have done my job at all if I had been. I can't wait for our baby boys to play together!!

Cailey said...

YOU have a wonderful pregnancy glow!!! I see and feel it in these pictures.

You are sharing your experiences, and you have every right to!!! You are and will be a wonderful mom! Congrats!

Merry said...

Oh, that must be a trial! I laughed out loud reading your comment about appreciating a midnight snack once he's born. I had a really easy pregnancy, and it was the tiredness that really did me in after Lizzy Jo was born. But I guess all of us have different things that challenge us, in pregnancy and child raising.

Congratulations again! You look great!

Baylen + Mariana said...

If your 3rd trimester is anything like mine was, you'll hate your body just as much. Not because it's attacking you, but because it's not yours & you just want it back!
There is nothing wrong with not enjoying the process of growing that tiny human. It's really sort of unnatural! If you think it's hard now, just get ready. Motherhood is so much harder. I have never been through so much in 23 years than I have these last 5 months. I would never trade it or give it back or wish for something else, but it's the truth. The longer I am a mother, the more I realize that motherthood is less about the child and more about the parent. Heveanly Father gives us children so He can remind us that we too are his children & that there is nothing in this world we can do or accomoplish without Him.
That's my two cents anyway.