Pregnancy, oh how I loathe thee. I know some women have it worse off than I have, but I seriously feel like my body hates me. It has just been thing after thing after thing that goes wrong. I keep trying to keep myself from asking why me? But I'm so close to the end! And this little baby boy is worth all the suffering.
Here is an update on the most recent happenings: After the all day sickness began to ease in the end of November, my blood pressure started to rise. Slowly but surely, it has just gone up up up, to the point where my doctors were worried about pre-eclampsia (very dangerous for both Mom and baby, and the only cure is to deliver the baby). I've been doing lovely 24 hour urine tests with blood work afterward about every two weeks the last couple months, and so far everything has come back saying it's not pre-eclampsia. Which is great news. :) But my blood pressure is at such a dangerously high level, and has been for so long that it may have damaged the placenta.
The baby is measuring very small (10th percentile in weight). Which we are hoping is due to the fact that I'm a tiny person. But because of the blood pressure, we are having to keep a really close eye on his health. I have two non-stress tests every week, and growth scans every other week. This past week my doctor put me on bed rest and blood pressure medication, in the hopes that we can keep him in me past 37 weeks. If he doesn't grow enough, he may not be getting the nutrients he needs, and they might induce me early. Only time will tell. But maybe as soon as next Friday!
The lovely blood pressure medication makes me super light headed, gives me headaches, and has brought back the nausea and vomiting. So it's like okay, I've brought my blood pressure down, but now I can't eat enough/keep enough down to plump up the baby. So we are experimenting trying to get a dose that doesn't make me so sick, but brings down my blood pressure to a safer level. It's just sort of one big hot mess.
I just really want my baby to be healthy. I don't want him to have to struggle after he is born. It's so frustrating for me to have a body that might not be giving him what he needs. I feel like no matter what happens, things will turn out okay. I just wish everything didn't have to be so complicated.
If there is anything this pregnancy has taught me, it's that I can't control everything. In fact, I really hardly have any control at all. I just have to take life as it comes at me, and try to stay positive and happy through everything that comes my way. Just because it hasn't been easy, doesn't mean it won't be worth it. Life is a chance for me to learn, grow, and improve myself. Once the baby does get here, I know it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows! But I'm so excited to begin the journey of motherhood. More challenges are coming in my future, but at least I can look back and say I made it through a hell of a pregnancy. I can do hard things. And I can make it through whatever the world throws at me! I just have to take things one step at a time, and try to keep a positive mindset.
We've got pretty much all the necessities for the baby. I can't wait to bring our little guy home. One way or another, in the next month or so, hopefully he'll be here safe and sound! Wish us luck! And if you pray, send some our way, we could use all the help we can get! :)
